The direct answer
Dating a woman who plays rugby is, in most ways, like dating any committed sportsperson: her week has fixed training nights, her Saturdays or Sundays belong to the team for much of the year and she will occasionally come home bruised and very happy. The main difference is that she may have spent years hearing lazy jokes about women in rugby, so the partner who simply treats her sport as normal, and is proud of it, stands out.
Read on for what to expect, the stereotypes worth binning, the practical side of her season and how to be the supporter she will actually want on the touchline.
A game that has grown up
Women's rugby in the UK has changed out of all recognition over the past two decades. Clubs that once had a single women's side now run several teams, girls' sections feed into senior squads and international women's matches draw large crowds and television coverage. Figures change from season to season, but anyone who visits a club on a Sunday will see how normal the women's game has become.
That growth means you might meet a player at almost any level: a social player who took up the game at university, a long-serving club captain, a referee, a coach or someone who plays sevens through the summer.
Stereotypes worth dropping
"She must be really aggressive." On the pitch, rugby demands controlled physicality. Off it, players are as varied as anyone else: shy, loud, bookish, silly, serious.
"Rugby is a strange choice for a woman." It is a team sport with clear values, great friendships and a brilliant social side. It is not strange at all.
"She will not care about how she looks." Some players love dressing up, some live in hoodies. Rugby has nothing to do with it.
"Her teammates will scare me off." They may tease you, as any close group would. They are also likely to be very welcoming if you show up with genuine interest.
"You will be competing with her for the remote." Fair enough, this one might be true during the Six Nations.
Training, fixtures and the team
Women's club rugby often trains two evenings a week, with matches on Saturdays or Sundays depending on the league. Away games can involve long journeys, particularly in regional leagues. Players may also be involved in coaching juniors, volunteering at their club or refereeing.
Ask her for the fixture list early and plan around it. Expect her to be tired after training and sore after a match. Expect, too, that her teammates matter a great deal to her; the friendships in women's rugby are famously strong, and she will want you to get on with them.
Supporting without taking over
There is a fine line between supportive and overbearing. Supportive looks like turning up to watch now and then, cheering at the right moments, learning enough about the game to follow what is going on and asking how the match went. Overbearing looks like shouting advice from the touchline, critiquing her performance on the drive home or trying to protect her from a sport she chose for herself.
If she gets injured, be practical and kind. Help with lifts to physio appointments, bring the ice packs and let her vent about missing games. Leave decisions about returning to play to her, her club and medical professionals.
When you play too
Couples who both play have the advantage of understanding each other's week, and the challenge of fitting two fixture lists into one calendar. Some couples play at the same club and share lifts and socials. Others enjoy having separate rugby worlds. Either works if you talk about it.
When you do not play
You do not need to play to be a great partner to a player. Many women who play are delighted to have a partner whose life is not wholly about rugby. Bring your own interests, your own friends and your own stories. Learn enough to follow a match, and enjoy the fact that you can watch together without needing to discuss line-out calls.
Her rugby, your social life
Women's rugby clubs often have a brilliant social calendar: end-of-season dinners, fancy-dress socials, tours and charity events. Partners are usually welcome. Go along, be friendly and do not feel you must keep up with the most seasoned drinkers. If you are a man at a women's club event, be relaxed and respectful; you are a guest in their space.
What she might be looking for
There is no single answer, but many women who play rugby say they value partners who are confident without being competitive, interested without being possessive and secure enough not to feel threatened by a strong, capable woman. Humour helps. So does turning up on time with the car warmed up on a frosty Sunday.
Where to meet women who play
Clubs, socials and touch rugby sessions are obvious places. Online, you can widen the net beyond mutual friends and meet players and supporters from clubs across your region. When you write your profile, show genuine interest in the game and in her world. Our profile tips suggest how, and our guide to dating a rugby player covers the routine in more detail.
Questions worth asking, and ones to skip
Good questions show interest in her as a player and as a person. Ask what position she plays and why she chose it, how she got into the game, what her team is like and what she is working towards this season. Ask whether she would like you to come and watch, rather than assuming either way.
Skip the questions she has heard a hundred times: whether it hurts, whether her parents mind, whether she worries about her face. Skip comparisons with the men's game unless she brings them up. And never treat her sport as a novelty or a party anecdote.
Her season and your plans
Women's club seasons broadly follow the same autumn to spring pattern as the men's game, with training midweek and fixtures at weekends. Some players also take part in sevens over the summer. Ask her for the fixture list early, put the dates in your calendar and plan around them without making a fuss. That small effort tells her you take her rugby seriously.
Ready to meet her
If you would happily stand on a cold touchline and cheer, Signup Here and meet women who play and follow rugby across the UK.