What it is really like, in a sentence
Dating a rugby player means sharing them with a squad, a fixture list and a physio, and getting in return someone loyal, sociable and usually very good at turning up for the people they care about. The details depend on the level they play at, but the shape of the week is remarkably similar from the lowest social side to a semi-professional club.
If you have started seeing a player, or are thinking about it, read on for the routine, the injuries, the clubhouse, the off-season and the myths, and a few thoughts on being a good partner to someone whose body takes a battering most weekends.
A typical week in season
Club rugby in the UK usually runs from late August or early September to April or May. During that time, a typical amateur player's week looks something like this:
- Two training evenings, often Tuesday and Thursday, from around seven until nine, followed by a drink or food at the club.
- A match most Saturdays, with a meet time an hour or more before kick-off and a long afternoon afterwards.
- Sunday recovery, which might mean a stretch, a swim, a gentle walk or simply lying very still on the sofa.
- Monday aches and a fair amount of ice.
Higher up the leagues, add gym sessions, video analysis and longer away trips. Further down, training may be once a week and Saturdays a little looser. Ask your partner what their week involves rather than assuming; it will help you plan.
Saturdays, away trips and the clubhouse
Match day is a full day. Home games mean a morning of nerves, a few hours at the ground and an evening in the clubhouse. Away games can mean a coach journey of several hours each way, especially in regional leagues that stretch across counties. Plan nothing important on a Saturday during the season without checking first.
The clubhouse matters more than outsiders realise. It is where friendships are made, songs are sung, results are dissected and the team becomes a group of mates rather than fifteen people who happen to wear the same shirt. Being welcome there is a big part of being welcome in a player's life. Go along now and then, say hello to the people who matter to them and do not feel you have to match anyone drink for drink.
Injuries and recovery
Rugby is a contact sport, and players get hurt. Most injuries are minor: bruises, cuts, sore shoulders, the odd black eye. Some are more serious, such as ligament damage, broken bones or head injuries, and can mean weeks or months out of the game.
A sidelined player can be low company. Their routine has gone, their friends are still training and they may worry about losing their place. Be patient. Help with the practical things if they need it, encourage them to follow medical advice and keep them connected to the club if that lifts their mood. Leave diagnosis and return-to-play decisions to their club, physio or GP.
It is also fair to have feelings of your own. Watching someone you love get flattened every week is not always easy. Talk about it honestly rather than bottling it up.
The off-season
From late spring to late summer, things change. Some players switch to sevens or touch, some go on tour and many simply rest. Saturdays suddenly open up. This is a great time for holidays, weddings, long weekends and anything else that needs an empty diary. If you are planning something big, aim for the summer and you will rarely be turned down.
Pre-season starts sooner than most people expect, often in July, so make the most of the gap.
Myths versus reality
"Rugby players are all brawn." Teams are full of teachers, engineers, nurses, accountants and farmers. Some of the sharpest minds you will meet play in the back row.
"They drink all the time." Club culture can be boozy, but plenty of players drink little or nothing, especially as they get older or more serious about the game.
"They will always choose the team over you." During the season, the fixture list is fixed. That is not the same as putting you second. Most players are very good at making time for the people who matter; they just need notice.
"It is a boys' club." The women's game is huge and growing, and mixed social events are normal at many clubs. Our guide to dating a woman who plays goes into more detail.
Being a good partner to a player
- Learn the calendar. Ask for the fixture list and put it in your phone.
- Show up sometimes. Watch a home game, cheer, stay for a drink. You do not need to go every week.
- Keep one evening sacred. Agree a regular night that is just for the two of you, outside training and match days.
- Understand the bruises. Ice packs and sympathy go a long way on a Sunday.
- Have your own life. The healthiest couples have friends and interests beyond the club.
Signs it might not work
If your partner never makes time for you, even in the off-season, or if club nights regularly end with behaviour you find unacceptable, that is about the person, not the sport. Rugby is a big part of many people's lives, but it should not be an excuse for treating a partner badly.
Where to meet a player
Clubhouses and post-match socials are the classic setting, but not everyone wants to date within their own club. A rugby-first dating site lets you meet players from across your area, whether they play front row for a local side or coach the under-fourteens on a Sunday morning. Our date ideas suggest how to spend your first meeting, and our profile tips show how to write a profile a player will want to answer.
A word on club socials
Most clubs hold socials through the year: quiz nights, end-of-season dinners, fundraisers and tour send-offs. Going along with your partner is a lovely way to meet their friends, but take it slowly. You do not need to attend everything, and it is fine to leave early.
Find your player
If the routine above sounds like something you could happily fit around, Signup Here and meet players from clubs across the UK.